crossroads

by Patricia on November 15, 2010 · 9 comments

hump

Sometimes there is a sign in the road that you can’t ignore. My infrequent posts and general blogging malaise is a sign to me. Maybe I’m not doing something right?

Maybe I need to slow down and look at that sign before I hit the hump going full speed and find myself flying through the air like the General Lee being chased by Rosco P. Coltrain. The Dukes always made their landings and kept going but I don’t think my Prius can make that kind of jump and probably I’d just end up crashed out in a ditch.

I don’t want to end up in a ditch. I want to blossom and grow. Well, I’m mixing metaphors now, but you get what I’m saying right?

I’ve lost my blogging mojo. I can’t find the motivation to bake and verbally drool over cupcakes and cookies like I once did. Don’t get me wrong, once a sugar addict, always a sugar addict. I will always love a piece of pie and a bowl of chocolate pudding (at the same time. don’t judge me), but the truth is, I’m not eating many treats these days. I’m making a real effort to eat healthy. And somehow, that has translated into fewer blog posts.

Salads and turkey wraps just don’t sound as sexy as dulce de leche brownies and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. But that’s what is in my kitchen these days.

I started this blog during the height of my stress at work. It was a creative outlet and the sugar helped mask the unhappiness I felt in my job. But I quit that job over a year ago. I’ve taken a lot of time off, and now I no longer feel compelled to stress bake. Which feels great. But this blog was built on sugar… so now what?

I’ve considered moving to a different blog entirely. I’ve thought of quitting. But I don’t want to be just another casualty, and I don’t want to quit. Yet instead of posting anything while staring at that crossroads, I’ve avoided you and my sugar-baby blog. Which means I was standing still. Overthinking… which is what I tend to do.

Also, Dan and I are getting married soon. That’s kept my mind busy. And it has added a little extra oomph to my workouts and healthy eating because I want to look beautiful in the photos, not overplumped like those chickens in the Foster Farms commercials.

As I have de-stressed this last year, I have thought more about what food means to me. And to my new family. I want to be a good example and make sure everyone is eating good stuff. I don’t want to eat a bunch of fake foods, and I want the boys to learn that cooking isn’t hard. And that there are better options than McDonald’s and Taco Bell.

L-train asked me the other day what I wanted them to call me after Dan and I are married: “Patricia? P? Mom? Stepmom? SM?” I told him Patricia, P, or Mom… whatever they’re comfortable with. Which is what I want, but the truth is no one has ever called me mom. Unless you count Raven’s “mows” and “mohs”. So this is a pretty big deal. I mean, wow.

So yeah, lots to think about and obsess over. Planning for our reception, becoming a stepmom, figuring out what my next move is in terms of career, and losing that stress weight that is taking its sweet time melting away despite my extra efforts in the gym.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, because we’re friends, right? And because I found myself avoiding you. And I feel guilty when I avoid my friends. But I feel like if I don’t post a pretty pie or something chocolate, I am somehow letting you down. And I hate letting people down.

So I’m coming clean, being honest about my feelings and hopefully you will all understand. I think you will, after all you are real people and so am I. That’s really all I’m trying to say.

I don’t have a plan right now for this blog. I often wonder if I should change the name from Brownies for Dinner to something else, as if that would somehow fix something (maybe make it feel less food-limited). But I am taking a step forward. That’s the only way I’m going to stop standing still.

I am going to share more of what is going on in my life and in my head (beware). There will still be food but there is so much more that makes me me and so many things happening that are more interesting than the cobb salad I had for dinner the other day.

In other words, I want to keep it real. I’m tearing down the barriers I built around this blog. Tomorrow I will post a pumpkin pie recipe because I did actually make a pie from the pumpkin purée I posted last time and the pictures and recipes are sitting there waiting patiently for their turn in the spotlight, but after tomorrow I make no promises about what I’ll be posting. But I do promise that I will be posting.

Photo credit: IMDB

Britney Spears had her Crossroads too. Who knew she and I had so much in common?

Anyhow, I’m kind of excited to find out where we end up… and in the end we can walk side by side with our arms around each other, smiling, just like Britney and her friends.

{ 8 comments }

1 Andrew Evans December 7, 2010 at 11:13 am

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding! Was just reminiscing with thinker@ about the “good” old days and that prompted me to check your site to see what you’re up to.

As for crossroads…I know what you mean! Having turned 40 this year I’m suddenly more acutely aware of the passage of time and what I have and haven’t done with it. I’m trying to channel that into doing some of the tough things I’ve put off.

2 Stephanie M at Together In Food November 23, 2010 at 10:53 am

Thanks for sharing where you are so honestly. I just started blogging six months ago and have already had some of the same thoughts. But what I came back to is: I love writing about and sharing photos of certain things, and people keep reading it even if the theme meanders here and there. You have such an entertaining, engaging writing style that I’m sure people will continue reading no matter what you write about — some folks might leave but others will find you. Good luck!!

3 Beth November 16, 2010 at 8:34 pm

I’ll read anything and everything you write, my friend, so go for it!

4 Charissa (Zest Bakery) November 15, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Thanks for sharing, Patricia! I can so relate to your post. We got married and opened the bakery in the same couple of months. It was chaos. I applaud you for being honest with yourself and sharing your thoughts with your readers. I think writing about healthier foods that still taste great is an even bigger challenge. But the tie in to your blog name is definitely doable. I hope you are able to take some time to reflect on the things that are important to you and where you see your blog in a couple years… you are the boss!

Let me know if you need help with the wedding favors. I have RECENT baking and assembly-line experience to offer. :) Maybe we can chat over dim sum. hehe.

5 Bryan November 15, 2010 at 1:06 pm

No need to change the name, it’s a great name! And blog about whatever you like, it is your writing style that brings readers like me back for more. The sugar was just the icing on the cake!

6 Melissa November 15, 2010 at 12:24 pm

You can change the things you blog about without changing the name of your blog! Now you can blog about the things that make you WANT to have Brownies for Dinner and what you are/have been doing to fight the sugar urge.

7 Eliana November 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

We are all in a bit of a crossroads in our own way. You’ll figure out whatever the right way for you is. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to reading about where your road will lead.

8 bettie November 15, 2010 at 11:36 am

Beautifully stated. Thanks for sharing, Patricia. I think you should keep the title (because it’s lovely) and it still represents where you were at the point in your life when you started the blog. Whether you are writing about sweets or healthier foods or being a step-mom or losing weight, it works. Best of luck to you!

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